Frequently Asked Questions

Question: Is this for real?
Answer: Sure, why wouldn’t it be? You can’t deny there is crime and that it needs to be fought by someone. With our economy in a pickle (more people desperate for money) and tax bases shrinking (less money to combat crime), the need has never been greater for someone to fill that void. As Larry Boy once sang in his theme song, “I… am… that… hero!”

Question: Why would “Tron” need a nemesis if he isn’t really a superhero? Isn’t he a computer program?
Answer: Of course, but you’re missing the point. I won’t be dressed as Tron, I’ll be in a new costume I’ll make just so I can be this new hero the world deserves.

Question: If your roommate is Orvan Ox, why don’t you just make him your sidekick?
Answer: Listen buddy, what a grown man does in the privacy of his own home is no business of yours. We’re not oxensexuals or anything like that, it just works out for us to split the rent. As for the sidekick part, he’s more of a large herd mammal than a crime fighter, and I wouldn’t want to insult him like that.

Question: Can I suggest a villain for you like Bush, Rumsfeld, Bernanke or Paulson?
Answer: No, you can only nominate yourself. I should warn you I’m a neo-conservative, if you believe everything you read on Wikipedia, so taking cheap shots at the most powerful men in the world won’t go very far with me. I might consider Frank Luntz, but he’d be a powerfully evil genius. He can crush his opponents with his mind!

Question: Isn’t your secret identity public knowledge?
Answer: Yes, if you mean that Tron Guy is me, but “no” because I won’t be fighting crime as Tron Guy. I’ll be cleaning up the streets as some new hero the world and even I have yet to imagine. I might shave my moustache, dye it another color, or grow additional face and body hair to further throw you off my powerful and unmistakable scent. I might also wear a mask or a girdle, you can’t predict what I’ll do because I’m just that super.

Question: I don’t have super powers, what can I do to help?
Answer: Not everyone has what it takes to tackle the baddies like me, but you can still get involved. Just obey your local police and emergency officers, report crimes you see, and don’t rob banks. Work hard, be honest, pay your taxes, and watch “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.

Question: Is this just an elaborate publicity stunt?
Answer: It would be if I was selling merchandise or ads on the site, but I’m not. There’s nothing here for sale, and no link on the site is here by pay. I told the guy who helped me build it he can put some links on it eventually, but as of right now he doesn’t even know what to link to. If you see any, I didn’t get paid for them, so if it’s a publicity stunt, I’d like to know how I benefit from it. The world will benefit when crime is just a memory old people talk about like silent movies or the steam era.

Question: I have a physical and/or psychological impairment, should I still apply?
Answer: I only see and believe in the “ability” portion of “disability”, so no matter who you are or what shortcomings you think you might be working through, you should apply. If you’re accepted as my evil foe, and you have certain unavoidable weaknesses, I’ll be fair and hesitate to exploit them, except of course in a life-saving situation. And if you have an emotional impairment, it would probably give you a leg up in this business.

Question: You’re not a superhero, you’re a fat guy in a costume!
Answer: OK listen, first of all, that isn’t a question. Second of all, that’s you being mean and you know that. I’m putting my feelings, reputation, and life on the line to better humanity, and all you’re doing is being hurtful because of some deep seeded problem you have. I’m sorry if kids were mean to you in school, and I’m sorry if you’re so insecure that you feel the need to put down others, even when we’re just doing our best. You should spend more time trying to be the solution, rather than a problem. Don’t make me vanquish you, because I will if I must.

Question: Can’t I be a superhero or super villain without your help?
Answer: Yes, and most of those already existing in the world do exactly that, but I think allying ourselves would make us all more powerful and successful, even if you’re only great success is being taken down by me… what, don’t you have the man-balls to step up to the challenge?

Question: I’m kind of a chubby chaser, should I write in?
Answer: Only you know what’s right in your heart. I could advise you, as a man of consequential mass myself, but that could be construed as self-serving. Instead I’ll give broader advice, also self-serving, and say that you should spend a little time at sci-fi, comic and other such fantasy cons. There you’ll find, if the big boys are really your thing, a literal abundance of men matching exactly your favorite description… I’m not saying you can’t email me though.

Question: I have sexy undergarments I’d like to mail as tribute to my affection for you, where can I send them?
Answer: Nice try, would-be evil-doer! I don’t succumb so easily to your intoxicating ways and I’ll NEVER tell you the location of my interim secret hideout!

Question: I want to be your leading lady, but all I have is a super sexy costume, will that work?
Answer: This isn’t actually a Frequently Asked Question. To be honest, it’s never been asked, but I’m hoping if I put it out there, maybe it will become a reality somehow… and yes, it could be very workable.

Question: What if I’d like to fight crime as your sidekick, but I have an early curfew?
Answer: Much of the crime we will fight will be between the hours of 6:00pm and 9:00pm, so if you have to be home by a certain time, just let me know and I’ll try to work around it.

Question: What is your one greatest weakness?
Answer: I don’t tell that to anyone, especially not those who are applying to become my arch nemesis.

Question: I see you wear glasses, does that mean your weakness is poor vision?
Answer: Fool! You’ve played right in to my hands! Those are actually part of my Jay Maynard disguise, so you’ll never recognize me when I appear as a hero… or maybe those are telescopic glasses so I can see miles into the distance with crystal clarity… or maybe I shoot beams of pure energy from my eyes like Cyclops, and the only way to contain this flood of power is with these seemingly ordinary spectacles. You’ll never understand me, villain, try as you might.

If your question has not been answered here, feel free to use my CONTACT PAGE to get in touch with me and ask your question.